A retrospective: Part One

A retrospective

The point of this project, above all else, was growth. Whether it be spiritual, physical, or mental, I wanted to push myself. The hope was that this exploration would lead to discovery.  Not necessarily the outrageously profound, life altering kind- but the sort that would lead to a deeper awareness of myself: my capabilities, my strengths, and where I still need to grow.  

At the school where I work, we don’t give grades.  Therefore, I spend a fair amount of time thinking about people, usually the kids, and narrating their actions and behaviors in my head.  At the end of each semester, I write a narrative about each student which outlines their capabilities, strengths, and areas of growth.  It seemed fitting to culminate the experiences of the last eleven months with a similar report. One that is honest, not really objective, but at least sincere.  Here it goes:

August 2011 - October 2011

Hypatia’s first endeavor was daily handstands. She was so excited about this project.  In yoga, the personal growth demonstrated by handstands was of particular importance to Hypatia, so she was eager to have this as a spring board for her new idea.  The therapeutic nature she hoped would come from the experience however did not meet her expectations. This is when it dawned on her that maintaining a daily project was a task in of itself, but to infuse that with some introspective, soul building time was much more challenging. It was the first time that it also became clear that developing habits, some habits anyway, are not so straight forward.  The Saturday yoga class Hypatia attends is a habit in that it is a part of a routine that is expected and anticipated for mental and spiritual growth.  Habitually handstanding when life seems wavering is not a habit for Hypatia.  Unfortunately, she often doesn’t even think of it as a possibility for releasing some tension until the tension has long passed.  Fortunately, an ever growing yoga practice still give Hypatia plenty of opportunity to experience the release and joy of going upside down, however, it would be wonderful if one of her default thoughts in moments of frustration was “Take a minute to invert,”  to use it as a form of processing. This may actually produce a more productive work and social mental space than, “Go for a run”(not always an option), “Just quit this job”, or “Fuck people.”

The dog walks. With that fabulous hindsight vision, this month was a gift. It pushed Hypatia to devote a lot of time to something other than herself…and her thoughts.  She never questioned her own love for her dogs, but this project allowed her to appreciate them on a whole new level.  She caught a glimpse of what it must be like to have children.  Hypatia loves those dogs with fierceness, but they are trying at times and take a lot of work. The sweetness of watching them experience the world however is something without compare.  They are eager and energetic. They are inquisitive and curious.  Yes, she knows they’re dogs, but that kind of bliss derived from pets must be small beans to children, right? Despite the profound joy she found from this experience, Hypatia’s performance in this area has been inconsistent since September.  Unfortunately, the guilt associated with this is not enough to rouse Hypatia into more frequent walks. This is certainly an area of growth.  It should be noted however, that the responsibility of dog-care should not lie solely on the shoulders of Hypatia. She isn’t a single dog-parent, so some support from home in this area is greatly encouraged.

Hypatia’s mission to find five positive moments of each day was an amusing and eye-opening journey.  While revisiting her thoughts each day, it is hard not to laugh. It is also not uncommon to shed a reminiscent tear.  She has so many things to be happy about and is actually much more capable of focusing her energy on these things than she gives herself credit for.  In the moment - or rather the month - this was an incredibly challenging task for Hypatia, but when revisiting her ‘work’ she was consistent and honest.  That is a good place to be in when examining one’s days.  It takes practice and dedication to maintain a positive outlook on life, at least for people like Hypatia. However, she did come to understand the value of accepting that some days aren’t great and that is okay.  Some days, the good things are small and relatively meaningless compared to the magnificently wonderful parts of other days.  Maybe, that actually makes them even more powerful. More ‘good’.  This was a significant growth area for Hypatia. She allows herself bad days and is more cognizant to appreciate the small stuff.  She often thinks back to month on a particularly hard day and thinks, “Thank God I don’t have to find a good thing about today…” but then quickly wonders, “but what would I pick from today?” Those are fine words to live by:  What were the best parts of today?

To be continued. 

Day Twenty-nine

Friends,

I started this yesterday but just got to finishing it today. I will send it off to T-Joe's this afternoon.
This was my last Twenty and nine days.  Tomorrow is the last day of the month. I will write one last post tomorrow in closing to this project.

Until then...



Dear Trader Joe's,


I have been a loyal Trader Joe's customer for over 10 years. I adore my local store in Eagle Rock, California. We live down the street and seem to make it there 3-5 times a week.  There is a sense of community in our Trader Joe's, created by the wonderful staff and diverse neighborhood, that I have come to rely on and profoundly love.  I can't imagine moving, simply because I would miss 'my' Trader's so much.


In recent months I have made the personal decision to make more conscious decisions about the food I buy. For me this means buying locally when possible (luckily, California is very big state!), preferably organic, and most importantly, from privately owned companies.  This is all in an effort to reduce my carbon footprint, consume healthier foods, and support the little guy rather than corporate conglomerates.  It is my three-pronged approach at being a conscious consumer and a responsible citizen. This came as quite a challenge at first, for this trifecta is not easily met. I was stunned and saddened by the number of seemingly small brand, socially and environmentally aware products that have been purchased by large corporations, such as Burt's Bees and Tom's of Maine.


This endeavor prompted me to revamp my shopping list.  I took greater care in researching where my food was coming from and, in some cases, stopped buying certain items. This quickly led to me discover how little is publicly known about where Trader Joe's products come from.  What little I did find seemed promising, but was mostly speculation from curious shoppers and so was not entirely reliable. The result was that I stopped shopping at Trader Joe's for almost a month. I found myself missing my local crew members and what they contribute to the familiarity of my little corner store.  I also found myself in a position that is all to familiar to the progressively minded: I had to choose cause or convenience.  As much as I treasure what our T-Joe's has to offer, I had to choose the latter. This is not a decision that I enjoyed making, which brings me the purpose of this letter. Trader Joe's I implore you to become a more transparent company so that your customers know where their food is coming from. Making available information, such as which dairies produce your milk products or which farms supply your poultry would allow socially conscious consumers to shop guilt-free.  We would know we are truly getting the best at a price that is fair and reasonable.  For a company that I trust has little to hide, I sincerely hope that this would not be an overwhelming task. 


As I mentioned before, I love my Trader Joe's. There are products that you offer that I cannot find anywhere else and it is heartbreaking to think that I will never have them again. So, please, as a long-time customer who desperately wants to remain a loyal customer for 10, 20, 30 more years...please begin the effort of providing the public with information about the origins of your food products.  


Warmly, 


Hypatia Luna

Day Twenty-three

I have been to Whole Foods numerous times this week. As in, almost every other day. This was not unusual when I was going to T-Joes; it is down the street after all. However, this week was is in part due to a stint of house guests, and therefore more frequent needs to 'pick something up at the market.'  All this shopping, both the legitimate grocery kind and the quick snacks for the beach kind, have made me realize two things.

First, I began to appreciate my relationship with TJ's even more. I have moved beyond the people and familiar products to the actual physical space of the store. I don't need a list at Trader Joe's, I just need that predictable layout. Meandering through the store, I can quickly buy a weeks worth of groceries. I know what I want and need from each section. Like an ant on my daily route, there is an invisible path I follow each and every time, that weaves through the aisles in the precise order of importance: fruit and veggies first, maybe some cheese, rice cakes, coffee and canned goods, bread, booze, frozen foods and desserts. It is so easy. And when they (my employee friends) rearrange the store - for what I can only assume is for the benefit of creating new synaptic associations in my brain, therefor promising a long and healthy brain life - I am comfortable approaching a crew member for some direction.

When I walk into a Whole Foods, I am in Oz. I don't know where to begin. What's worse, is I have two to choose from. Each has its pros and cons, so my mood and proximity tend to decide where I go. Consequently, there are items that are easy for me to locate in one store and not the other. Even the produce section is daunting because there is so much. Not my last visit (yesterday, Friday) but the visit before (Saturday) I went in for staple grocery items. I left without two of those items. What it boils down to is I need a list, which I usually forget in the car or on the table.  So I guess, what it really boils down to, is I need to develop a better system. 


My second observation isn't so bleak. Apart from this week of frequent snack shopping, I tend to use all the groceries we have in the house before returning to WF. This is precisely because it isn't particularly convenient.  Consequently, there is less wasted food in this house. It was not uncommon to discover a three half-empty cans of corn or a bag of mushy spinach. This is the down side of my blind shopping I suppose, I buy the same things every time and end up with too much.  Now, if I want dinner, I need to make it with what I have and can't run to TJ's for something that sounds better.  This has been a particularly satisfying result of this project. I harbored a lot of guilt about how much food we wasted for a long time.  Such a subtle action has lifted little burdens off these shoulders, which is incredibly freeing. It feels good to feel good about what I take and what I offer.

Day Eleven

I hope I'm not coming across as preachy.

I needed new laundry detergent, and I wasn't sure how to proceed.
The first time I heard of Method, I thought it was a Target brand.  When I realized I was going to need cleaning supplies and household items, I started perusing the shelves of Whole Foodies.  Again, I was faced with the Masked Corporation dilemma. The only product that was from California was Method, so I added that company to my list of companies to look into.

I was so pleasantly surprised. Check this out.  


After my run today with M., we went into Trader Joe's to cool down and wait for our ride home. I realized that I hadn't been in a TJ's since I began this slightly self-righteous mission. I missed it, the familiarity. I can walk into any Traders and grocery shop for a week in 15 minutes and spend under $100.  I went to WF the other day for some supplies and spent over an hour and $80. When I was driving home a few days ago I saw one of 'my' TJ friends. It dawned on me then too that I missed the people as well.  I've known them all for 10 years...and I've been MIA for almost two weeks. 


Maybe I need to stock up on wine, beer, and rice cakes: some of the few items I'll be able to still purchase.

Day Seven

After my mini-meltdown earlier this week, I have since composed myself.  I was very, very upset. I was spreading the Bad Word all day, to any one who would listen. This includes my boss. It got to a point where I began to wonder if my sweeping emotion may have been about something a little deeper. Or, maybe to be more fair, the frustration around trying to do right by the world, and feeling continually thwarted by big business, was toying with a nerve that was reverberating in other areas of my life.  What this all boils down to is that are so many levels at which we (you, me; earth conscious folk) want to make change.  Unfortunately, the nature of corporate takeover and politics is money driven and ultimately, we (consumers, voters; idealists) are forced to choose our agenda. I had to ask myself what my motives were. Was it to support small business? Minimize my carbon footprint? Do what is best for my body? Well, frankly, it was all three and I naively assumed it would be more straightforward than it is. After some lengthy conversations with various people who happened to cross my path in the last few days, I resolved to do the best that I can to achieve all three of my goals with the understanding that there will be sacrifices of one cause in order to further another. I am more calm now, and ready to be proactive rather than reactive. 
My co-worker, friend, and first person I encountered after my troubling news,  pointed me towards some information that helped me make sense of all that is out there. Here is the website for the following images: http://www.edenfoods.com/articles/view.php?articles_id=109


So this one made me cry. 

And at least with this one, I was cheering at my computer a few times. 

I went back to Whole Foodies today. I bought some Lundberg Farm rice cakes and joyfully ate them in the car on the way home. I also bought some produce from Mexico. Now, this is something to consider. Parts of Mexico are closer to me than parts of California. I'm not sure how I should proceed in this regard, but I wanted a lime. I have a growing list of products to look into.  Note to self: add limes to list. 

And, if you are interested, I also found this to be incredibly helpful. It is all so much to absorb, but there are still so many wonderful companies out there along with many wonderful producers and growers who are committed to a cause, if not multiple. That alone is truly inspiring. 

Day three: part two

I've got good news and bad news.

The good first. I think I'm in the clear with Lundberg Farms rice cakes.

Now the bad. I feel like crying.

Read this:
http://www.alternet.org/story/131910/?page=entire

Now, go change the world.

Day Three

Sad news. I can't find rice cakes from California.* I'm feeling a little lost without my favorite snack, and it's only been two days. In other sad news. I ate the last of my spicy nut-butter today. Since it is made from a Trader Joe's nut mix, I don't think I will be purchasing it for a while. This is a blessing in disguise, says my gut, but I literally said goodbye to the jar as I licked my finger clean. (tear)

We went grocery shopping yesterday at Whole Foodies. We bought a few staples, such as fruit and things to make myself lunches. We also got a lot of veggies for dinner. I felt so accomplished...$150.00 later.

For some items, I had peruse the shelves for a while before I found something from CA. Almond milk for example. I was actually looking for hemp milk. In this medical marijuana loving state we live in, I didn't anticipate this being a challenging product to locate.  All the hemp milk ended up being from Colorado, and many of the non-dairy alternatives were from around the country. However, Blue Diamond is a San Diego company, so I conceded with almond milk. This got me thinking though. Blue Diamond is a huge company. In fact they tout:  Today the California almond industry produces over 80 percent of the world supply and leads the state as the largest food export!
And thus, I encountered a new dilemma. Big business vs small growers and companies. Is it better to stray from California in order to keep it organic and supportive of local business? Then again, companies, like Blue Diamond, started as cooperative of almond growers and over the last 100 years, evolved into what it is today.

What this boils down to, which frankly I anticipated when I decided to embark on this project, is greater research in quality companies. I will not blindly support a business simply because it is California based, particularly when they are exporting their product all around the globe, thereby essentially negating the purpose of this endeavor. *This is what my note is about as well. I have not given this further research yet, but the only California based company that I have encountered so far that makes rice cakes is Lundberg Farms. Unfortunately, I was recently informed that they are owned by Clorox, or some such horrible planet poisoning big business. I need to my own research on this, but until then, I'm sans rice cakes.

Good thing it is summer and I have lots of time.

Day One

July. My birthday month. The final month of this twenty and nine days.

There were a number of ideas for projects swimming around my brain over the course of the last 11 months that I never got to.  With some, the timing never seemed right. For example, training to run barefoot. This is still something I want - and intend - to do, however training for a marathon at the same time seems like too much. Some of my ideas I channeled into my January project.  Some of those resolutions would be overkill for 29 days and so monthly reminders are more appropriate.

With that, this month's project evolved after a few months of more conscious food consumption, in terms of animals and documentation of what I eat. I fear I'm coming off a little food-centric, but more and more I am realizing the importance of what we put in our bodies. Like many things, this is one of those 'yeah, yeah I know' ideas that for whatever reason is really solidifying as a concept for me lately.

A number of factors have contributed to this. Embarking on the vegetarian track was certainly a starting point. Originally, I made that decision out of respect for animals. My thinking is that if I know that I would not be able to kill (and therefore watch die), skin/pluck, gut, chop up, and whatever else goes into transforming (?) a chicken into a toss-in option on my salad...then I should not be eating it. (This is actually a point I could prattle about for a while, so I am going to stop there, but if you are interested in learning more about my specific 'philosophy', check this out. I found it incredibly touching and inspiring.) I figured there was also the benefit of the environmental and political repercussions as well, though I am not well versed in those so much.

As my running progresses, I am also intrigued by the number of ultra-marathoners (100 miles!) who are vegan. Many well-knowns in the running world stick to truly plant based diet.  This not only fuels their running, but enhances it as well.  That is incredible to me. This fed the idea flitting around my head about harnessing the the power of plants to help your body to achieve the impossible.

Slowly, over the last couple of weeks, an idea started to form. In regards to food, I am taking steps to honor life, and I am taking steps to honor my body. What I have not been as careful about is honoring the planet. Okay, okay, so yes this is the little hippie in me, but there is so much I do in my daily routines that disregards my carbon footprint.  I drive to Trader Joe's which is literally two blocks away. Two neighborhood blocks! I don't compost (a long story) and I take showers that are so long that my water usage is the equivalent of 3-4 normal person showers. This list could go on. It is true, that compared to most Americans, I probably have a significantly light footprint, but that is not a justification to consume and waste without regard for my actions. And I know better, which makes it worse...at least in some cosmic karmic sense. There is also the concern about bringing a child into the world. I'm starting to start to be ready to think about doing this. Actually, not adding to the world population is one of the best things you can do for this planet, which for a long time I assumed would be my path. Either I would not have children, or I would adopt. These are both still options, however, they seem less and less like what I will actually want. So, if I selfishly add to the 'problem', that being crazy consuming humans, I should, at the very least, be particularly mindful of my choices. What can I do to make this planet better for my children, and yours?

So for this last twenty and nine days I will lighten my print. I am going to primarily do this through food. This is a surprisingly daunting task. I tried it the other day and found it troubling how many items on my list I could not find from a local manufacturer or grower. My goal is to only buy foods grown/made in California. This has the added benefit of supporting our local economy. Now, sadly, I will most likely stop shopping at Trader Joe's and begin at Whole Foodies, Sprouts, and ideally, farmer's markets. I am looking forward to this challenge though. I am excited about how much I will learn about where my food comes from. There is very little that I eat that I can honestly say that about.

Thank goodness California has lots of wonderful wine.

Here's to our temples, our bodies and our earth.

P.S.

My portrait for July 1st. I think I'm going to start take self portraits after my runs.

and this one too. Thanks to Adobe Lightroom, because I looked atrocious in the original.