A retrospective
The point of this project, above all else, was growth.
Whether it be spiritual, physical, or mental, I wanted to push myself. The hope
was that this exploration would lead to discovery. Not necessarily the outrageously profound, life
altering kind- but the sort that would lead to a deeper awareness of myself: my
capabilities, my strengths, and where I still need to grow.
At the school where I work, we don’t give grades. Therefore, I spend a fair amount of time
thinking about people, usually the kids, and narrating their actions and behaviors
in my head. At the end of each semester,
I write a narrative about each student which outlines their capabilities,
strengths, and areas of growth. It
seemed fitting to culminate the experiences of the last eleven months with a
similar report. One that is honest, not really objective, but at least sincere.
Here it goes:
August 2011 - October 2011
Hypatia’s first endeavor was daily handstands. She was so
excited about this project. In yoga, the
personal growth demonstrated by handstands was of particular importance to
Hypatia, so she was eager to have this as a spring board for her new idea. The therapeutic nature she hoped would come
from the experience however did not meet her expectations. This is when it
dawned on her that maintaining a daily project was a task in of itself, but to
infuse that with some introspective, soul building time was much more
challenging. It was the first time that it also became clear that developing
habits, some habits anyway, are not so straight forward. The Saturday yoga class Hypatia attends is a
habit in that it is a part of a routine that is expected and anticipated for
mental and spiritual growth. Habitually
handstanding when life seems wavering is not a habit for Hypatia. Unfortunately, she often doesn’t even think of
it as a possibility for releasing some tension until the tension has long
passed. Fortunately, an ever growing
yoga practice still give Hypatia plenty of opportunity to experience the release
and joy of going upside down, however, it would be wonderful if one of her
default thoughts in moments of frustration was “Take a minute to invert,” to use it as a form of processing. This may
actually produce a more productive work and social mental space than, “Go for a
run”(not always an option), “Just quit this job”, or “Fuck people.”
The dog walks. With that fabulous hindsight vision, this
month was a gift. It pushed Hypatia to devote a lot of time to something other
than herself…and her thoughts. She never
questioned her own love for her dogs, but this project allowed her to
appreciate them on a whole new level. She
caught a glimpse of what it must be like to have children. Hypatia loves those dogs with fierceness, but
they are trying at times and take a lot of work. The sweetness of watching them
experience the world however is something without compare. They are eager and energetic. They are
inquisitive and curious. Yes, she knows
they’re dogs, but that kind of bliss derived from pets must be small beans to
children, right? Despite the profound joy she found from this experience,
Hypatia’s performance in this area has been inconsistent since September. Unfortunately, the guilt associated with this
is not enough to rouse Hypatia into more frequent walks. This is certainly an
area of growth. It should be noted
however, that the responsibility of dog-care should not lie solely on the
shoulders of Hypatia. She isn’t a single dog-parent, so some support from home
in this area is greatly encouraged.
Hypatia’s mission to find five positive moments of each
day was an amusing and eye-opening journey.
While revisiting her thoughts each day, it is hard not to laugh. It is
also not uncommon to shed a reminiscent tear.
She has so many things to be happy about and is actually much more
capable of focusing her energy on these things than she gives herself credit
for. In the moment - or rather the month
- this was an incredibly challenging task for Hypatia, but when revisiting her ‘work’
she was consistent and honest. That is a
good place to be in when examining one’s days.
It takes practice and dedication to maintain a positive outlook on life,
at least for people like Hypatia. However, she did come to understand the value
of accepting that some days aren’t great and that is okay. Some days, the good things are small and
relatively meaningless compared to the magnificently wonderful parts of other
days. Maybe, that actually makes them
even more powerful. More ‘good’. This
was a significant growth area for Hypatia. She allows herself bad days and is
more cognizant to appreciate the small stuff. She often thinks back to month on a
particularly hard day and thinks, “Thank God I don’t have to find a good thing
about today…” but then quickly wonders, “but what would I pick from today?” Those are fine words to live by: What were the best parts of today?
To be continued.
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