A retrospective: Part Three

A new year. 

Rather than an overall assessment of growth and progress this month, it will be easier – and possibly more interesting - to address each resolution individually. Here are the first seven days. This is taking much longer than anticipated.

Day 1: Self Portrait. Nope.  This is not a goal Hypatia stuck to with any sincerity. That does not mean she doesn’t continue to indulge in numerous selfies, but these do not count.  It might be worth pondering the deeper significance of a willingness to take pictures of one’s self as a means to critique but an unwillingness to share a photograph that one feels proud of.

Day 2: Clean out car. A mild success! Hypatia certainly does not clean her car out on the 2^nd of every month, but it should be noted that the back seat is generally free and clear of clothes, books, dishes, and paper.  That means guests can ride in the car comfortable and dogs don’t step on library books.  Overall tidiness has been a huge area of growth for Hypatia in the past year, and this resolution definitely contributed to that.

Day 3: No scale. Hypatia’s obsession with the scale waxes and wanes with the moon.  Seriously. Certain times of the month are worse than others.  In her stronger moments she can hide the scale under a shelf in the bathroom, which is enough for Out of Sight, Out of Mind to kick in.  But inevitably, one skinny feeling day or one fat feeling day is enough to lure out the red, plastic beast from its cave.  Interestingly enough, Hypatia has recently resolved to throw away the scale. Maybe for 2014.

Day 4: Wash car. It happens more often, but not often enough. Maybe once every three months. Hypatia is at least conscious about it now. Also, there’s a drought in California.

Day 5: Eat five different color fruits and veggies. This is tricky. Given that Hypatia eats a plant based diet, you’d think that this would be pretty easy to accomplish. The problem is, Hypatia is not creative in the kitchen and so eats the same meals over and over again. So, she eats a lot of green food: kale, spinach, broccoli, zucchini, and avocado. These are all great foods; however, Hypatia still lacks variety. Something to work on.

Day 6: Learn a new word.  No. This lasted through March, I believe.

Day 7: Cross of seven things from my To-Do list. Lists continue to be a big part of Hypatia’s life.  Now that she has an iPhone, her lists are ongoing. She has three different list apps. One is the standard Reminders. That’s for tasks like: Exercise, Go to the Library, and Transfer Photos to External Hard drive. Then there is the Notes app. That is for grocery lists, Costco, Songs I Like, Books to Read, Target, To Do with Money, and Children’s Books Ideas. Then there is Wunderlist. This is used less often, but is a good for lists related to a project, such as the yearbook or getting married. Now, whether or no there are seven things a day, there are certainly enough lists to keep her busy. (And the Reminders list is set up so that she crosses off at least one a day: it’s an affirmation each morning to keep her positive and motivated)

A retrospective: Part Two

November 2011-December 2011

Hypatia’s commitment to cleaning each day was a goal that would be hard for some to understand why it would be so challenging.  In some ways, it has been the project she has remained the most consistent with since its inception and that demonstrates the largest shift in her daily behavior.  During the summer, cleaning is daily activity.  Generally this involves dishes and a straightening up of the kitchen.  But, on the rare occasion, when Hypatia has large blocks of free time during the school year, she will use it to ‘deep clean’ some part of the house.  This spring she bravely cleaned the ceiling fan in her bedroom.  Six years of a house that breathes dust left a blanket of Somustuzz (So much dust it’s fuzz) on each blade.  Had it really been white all along?  Another, rather selfish, motive for cleaning is that Hypatia discovered if the kitchen is clean when J comes home, he is more likely to cook her dinner.  Just as Hypatia has learned that coming home to a clean house helps her feel calm and sometimes even lifts her spirits, so it does for J to come home to a clean kitchen.  In the past few months however, Hypatia began to notice that clean, or even tidy, isn't a magic wand for making a home look nice and put together.  Hypatia has, slowly, begun the process of un-cluttering.  This involves lots of rummaging through old clothes, tchotchkes, and décor and then whisking it away to Goodwill. There is a new rule in the house too: If you bring something in, something else needs to leave.  While Hypatia secretly fantasizes about a sleek, modern, minimalist home-that will never happen.  However, saying no to free stuff and goodbye to old stuff is a step in the right direction.

While revisiting Hypatia’s month of giving, it was interesting to follow where the project began and where it ended up.  After five months of attempts at bettering one’s self, December ended leaving Hypatia in quite a funk.  It can be overwhelming, and emotionally heavy, to make and keep one’s self aware of all the need in a community.  Then layer with that the commitment to be proactive, it is easy to see why many people simply bury their heads and forget about it.  This is an issue that Hypatia continues to struggle with each and every day.  This is also an issue that comes up again in the Twenty and Nine Days project.  The silver lining is that Hypatia has made some life changes and choices that do give back, not only to a community, but the world.  And sometimes, giving isn’t about finding where the need is, but ascribing to the notion of paying it forward.  J is really good about this, particularly with tipping, and has helped Hypatia practice this with more regularity.  Little things like rounding up the tip or helping bag at the grocery store. Niceties that may help brighten someone’s day.  Finally, it is worth mentioning a dramatic growth for Hypatia given December’s Day Seventeen post.  She talks about struggling to have compassion for the strangers around her, even when they are at their most irritating.  About two months ago, Hypatia had an experience while driving that crystallized the notion of what you give, you get.  The details are fuzzy at this point, but the basic story is that she was driving in a parking lot when some other driver did something completely stupid, and probably dangerous, which resulted in an unfair and irrational name calling rant at that person in the safety of her own little blue car.  Annoyed, she drove out on the road and moments later proceeded to do something equally stupid, and possibly dangerous, causing another driver to wave hands and presumably spew some choice words. When this happens to Hypatia, when she clearly makes another driver upset, she will often cry.  So at this exact moment-a moment of mixed emotions: sadness, defensiveness, and shame-she vowed to never fall victim to road rage.  She concluded that if everyone gave everyone else the benefit of the doubt as drivers, such as ‘maybe their lost’ or ‘maybe they just got fired and their mind is somewhere else’ (as Hypatia’s usually is in these scenarios) that we would all drive around as happier people.  There is a lot of mental and emotional energy spent on hating strangers, even if just for a fleeting moment.  What is the point? J often touts cars as one of the great evils of our society because when we are safely confined to our little metal boxes, we don’t need to care or think about other people; thus we lose our humanity.   That experience really encapsulated J’s argument.  Since this change in her driving-mindset, Hypatia is a noticeably happier driver.  It is actually quite freeing to just not care if someone is driving like a jack ass and just move on with one’s day. 

A retrospective: Part One

A retrospective

The point of this project, above all else, was growth. Whether it be spiritual, physical, or mental, I wanted to push myself. The hope was that this exploration would lead to discovery.  Not necessarily the outrageously profound, life altering kind- but the sort that would lead to a deeper awareness of myself: my capabilities, my strengths, and where I still need to grow.  

At the school where I work, we don’t give grades.  Therefore, I spend a fair amount of time thinking about people, usually the kids, and narrating their actions and behaviors in my head.  At the end of each semester, I write a narrative about each student which outlines their capabilities, strengths, and areas of growth.  It seemed fitting to culminate the experiences of the last eleven months with a similar report. One that is honest, not really objective, but at least sincere.  Here it goes:

August 2011 - October 2011

Hypatia’s first endeavor was daily handstands. She was so excited about this project.  In yoga, the personal growth demonstrated by handstands was of particular importance to Hypatia, so she was eager to have this as a spring board for her new idea.  The therapeutic nature she hoped would come from the experience however did not meet her expectations. This is when it dawned on her that maintaining a daily project was a task in of itself, but to infuse that with some introspective, soul building time was much more challenging. It was the first time that it also became clear that developing habits, some habits anyway, are not so straight forward.  The Saturday yoga class Hypatia attends is a habit in that it is a part of a routine that is expected and anticipated for mental and spiritual growth.  Habitually handstanding when life seems wavering is not a habit for Hypatia.  Unfortunately, she often doesn’t even think of it as a possibility for releasing some tension until the tension has long passed.  Fortunately, an ever growing yoga practice still give Hypatia plenty of opportunity to experience the release and joy of going upside down, however, it would be wonderful if one of her default thoughts in moments of frustration was “Take a minute to invert,”  to use it as a form of processing. This may actually produce a more productive work and social mental space than, “Go for a run”(not always an option), “Just quit this job”, or “Fuck people.”

The dog walks. With that fabulous hindsight vision, this month was a gift. It pushed Hypatia to devote a lot of time to something other than herself…and her thoughts.  She never questioned her own love for her dogs, but this project allowed her to appreciate them on a whole new level.  She caught a glimpse of what it must be like to have children.  Hypatia loves those dogs with fierceness, but they are trying at times and take a lot of work. The sweetness of watching them experience the world however is something without compare.  They are eager and energetic. They are inquisitive and curious.  Yes, she knows they’re dogs, but that kind of bliss derived from pets must be small beans to children, right? Despite the profound joy she found from this experience, Hypatia’s performance in this area has been inconsistent since September.  Unfortunately, the guilt associated with this is not enough to rouse Hypatia into more frequent walks. This is certainly an area of growth.  It should be noted however, that the responsibility of dog-care should not lie solely on the shoulders of Hypatia. She isn’t a single dog-parent, so some support from home in this area is greatly encouraged.

Hypatia’s mission to find five positive moments of each day was an amusing and eye-opening journey.  While revisiting her thoughts each day, it is hard not to laugh. It is also not uncommon to shed a reminiscent tear.  She has so many things to be happy about and is actually much more capable of focusing her energy on these things than she gives herself credit for.  In the moment - or rather the month - this was an incredibly challenging task for Hypatia, but when revisiting her ‘work’ she was consistent and honest.  That is a good place to be in when examining one’s days.  It takes practice and dedication to maintain a positive outlook on life, at least for people like Hypatia. However, she did come to understand the value of accepting that some days aren’t great and that is okay.  Some days, the good things are small and relatively meaningless compared to the magnificently wonderful parts of other days.  Maybe, that actually makes them even more powerful. More ‘good’.  This was a significant growth area for Hypatia. She allows herself bad days and is more cognizant to appreciate the small stuff.  She often thinks back to month on a particularly hard day and thinks, “Thank God I don’t have to find a good thing about today…” but then quickly wonders, “but what would I pick from today?” Those are fine words to live by:  What were the best parts of today?

To be continued. 

Day Twenty-nine

Friends,

I started this yesterday but just got to finishing it today. I will send it off to T-Joe's this afternoon.
This was my last Twenty and nine days.  Tomorrow is the last day of the month. I will write one last post tomorrow in closing to this project.

Until then...



Dear Trader Joe's,


I have been a loyal Trader Joe's customer for over 10 years. I adore my local store in Eagle Rock, California. We live down the street and seem to make it there 3-5 times a week.  There is a sense of community in our Trader Joe's, created by the wonderful staff and diverse neighborhood, that I have come to rely on and profoundly love.  I can't imagine moving, simply because I would miss 'my' Trader's so much.


In recent months I have made the personal decision to make more conscious decisions about the food I buy. For me this means buying locally when possible (luckily, California is very big state!), preferably organic, and most importantly, from privately owned companies.  This is all in an effort to reduce my carbon footprint, consume healthier foods, and support the little guy rather than corporate conglomerates.  It is my three-pronged approach at being a conscious consumer and a responsible citizen. This came as quite a challenge at first, for this trifecta is not easily met. I was stunned and saddened by the number of seemingly small brand, socially and environmentally aware products that have been purchased by large corporations, such as Burt's Bees and Tom's of Maine.


This endeavor prompted me to revamp my shopping list.  I took greater care in researching where my food was coming from and, in some cases, stopped buying certain items. This quickly led to me discover how little is publicly known about where Trader Joe's products come from.  What little I did find seemed promising, but was mostly speculation from curious shoppers and so was not entirely reliable. The result was that I stopped shopping at Trader Joe's for almost a month. I found myself missing my local crew members and what they contribute to the familiarity of my little corner store.  I also found myself in a position that is all to familiar to the progressively minded: I had to choose cause or convenience.  As much as I treasure what our T-Joe's has to offer, I had to choose the latter. This is not a decision that I enjoyed making, which brings me the purpose of this letter. Trader Joe's I implore you to become a more transparent company so that your customers know where their food is coming from. Making available information, such as which dairies produce your milk products or which farms supply your poultry would allow socially conscious consumers to shop guilt-free.  We would know we are truly getting the best at a price that is fair and reasonable.  For a company that I trust has little to hide, I sincerely hope that this would not be an overwhelming task. 


As I mentioned before, I love my Trader Joe's. There are products that you offer that I cannot find anywhere else and it is heartbreaking to think that I will never have them again. So, please, as a long-time customer who desperately wants to remain a loyal customer for 10, 20, 30 more years...please begin the effort of providing the public with information about the origins of your food products.  


Warmly, 


Hypatia Luna

Day Twenty-three

I have been to Whole Foods numerous times this week. As in, almost every other day. This was not unusual when I was going to T-Joes; it is down the street after all. However, this week was is in part due to a stint of house guests, and therefore more frequent needs to 'pick something up at the market.'  All this shopping, both the legitimate grocery kind and the quick snacks for the beach kind, have made me realize two things.

First, I began to appreciate my relationship with TJ's even more. I have moved beyond the people and familiar products to the actual physical space of the store. I don't need a list at Trader Joe's, I just need that predictable layout. Meandering through the store, I can quickly buy a weeks worth of groceries. I know what I want and need from each section. Like an ant on my daily route, there is an invisible path I follow each and every time, that weaves through the aisles in the precise order of importance: fruit and veggies first, maybe some cheese, rice cakes, coffee and canned goods, bread, booze, frozen foods and desserts. It is so easy. And when they (my employee friends) rearrange the store - for what I can only assume is for the benefit of creating new synaptic associations in my brain, therefor promising a long and healthy brain life - I am comfortable approaching a crew member for some direction.

When I walk into a Whole Foods, I am in Oz. I don't know where to begin. What's worse, is I have two to choose from. Each has its pros and cons, so my mood and proximity tend to decide where I go. Consequently, there are items that are easy for me to locate in one store and not the other. Even the produce section is daunting because there is so much. Not my last visit (yesterday, Friday) but the visit before (Saturday) I went in for staple grocery items. I left without two of those items. What it boils down to is I need a list, which I usually forget in the car or on the table.  So I guess, what it really boils down to, is I need to develop a better system. 


My second observation isn't so bleak. Apart from this week of frequent snack shopping, I tend to use all the groceries we have in the house before returning to WF. This is precisely because it isn't particularly convenient.  Consequently, there is less wasted food in this house. It was not uncommon to discover a three half-empty cans of corn or a bag of mushy spinach. This is the down side of my blind shopping I suppose, I buy the same things every time and end up with too much.  Now, if I want dinner, I need to make it with what I have and can't run to TJ's for something that sounds better.  This has been a particularly satisfying result of this project. I harbored a lot of guilt about how much food we wasted for a long time.  Such a subtle action has lifted little burdens off these shoulders, which is incredibly freeing. It feels good to feel good about what I take and what I offer.

Day Eleven

I hope I'm not coming across as preachy.

I needed new laundry detergent, and I wasn't sure how to proceed.
The first time I heard of Method, I thought it was a Target brand.  When I realized I was going to need cleaning supplies and household items, I started perusing the shelves of Whole Foodies.  Again, I was faced with the Masked Corporation dilemma. The only product that was from California was Method, so I added that company to my list of companies to look into.

I was so pleasantly surprised. Check this out.  


After my run today with M., we went into Trader Joe's to cool down and wait for our ride home. I realized that I hadn't been in a TJ's since I began this slightly self-righteous mission. I missed it, the familiarity. I can walk into any Traders and grocery shop for a week in 15 minutes and spend under $100.  I went to WF the other day for some supplies and spent over an hour and $80. When I was driving home a few days ago I saw one of 'my' TJ friends. It dawned on me then too that I missed the people as well.  I've known them all for 10 years...and I've been MIA for almost two weeks. 


Maybe I need to stock up on wine, beer, and rice cakes: some of the few items I'll be able to still purchase.

Day Seven

After my mini-meltdown earlier this week, I have since composed myself.  I was very, very upset. I was spreading the Bad Word all day, to any one who would listen. This includes my boss. It got to a point where I began to wonder if my sweeping emotion may have been about something a little deeper. Or, maybe to be more fair, the frustration around trying to do right by the world, and feeling continually thwarted by big business, was toying with a nerve that was reverberating in other areas of my life.  What this all boils down to is that are so many levels at which we (you, me; earth conscious folk) want to make change.  Unfortunately, the nature of corporate takeover and politics is money driven and ultimately, we (consumers, voters; idealists) are forced to choose our agenda. I had to ask myself what my motives were. Was it to support small business? Minimize my carbon footprint? Do what is best for my body? Well, frankly, it was all three and I naively assumed it would be more straightforward than it is. After some lengthy conversations with various people who happened to cross my path in the last few days, I resolved to do the best that I can to achieve all three of my goals with the understanding that there will be sacrifices of one cause in order to further another. I am more calm now, and ready to be proactive rather than reactive. 
My co-worker, friend, and first person I encountered after my troubling news,  pointed me towards some information that helped me make sense of all that is out there. Here is the website for the following images: http://www.edenfoods.com/articles/view.php?articles_id=109


So this one made me cry. 

And at least with this one, I was cheering at my computer a few times. 

I went back to Whole Foodies today. I bought some Lundberg Farm rice cakes and joyfully ate them in the car on the way home. I also bought some produce from Mexico. Now, this is something to consider. Parts of Mexico are closer to me than parts of California. I'm not sure how I should proceed in this regard, but I wanted a lime. I have a growing list of products to look into.  Note to self: add limes to list. 

And, if you are interested, I also found this to be incredibly helpful. It is all so much to absorb, but there are still so many wonderful companies out there along with many wonderful producers and growers who are committed to a cause, if not multiple. That alone is truly inspiring.