Day Seventeen

I failed!

I am absolutely guilt ridden.

It was yesterday. It was not by choice. It was a total accident.

6:15 I wake up, go for a run. I don't bring Oskar because I know I will be home after school to take both dogs out.

8:45-3:15 Working

3:30 Drinks with the girls after work

6:00ish Get home, Jesse is hungry so we go out to dinner. We agree to take them when we get back.

7:30 Home from dinner. I walk into the bedroom, lay down....and I'm out until 7:45 this morning.

I just conked out. I'd like to think it was the mixture of afternoon drinks with the sheer exhaustion of teaching.  Getting back into the swing of things is hard.  I would wake up periodically through the night aware that I had failed my dogs, and my plan. I am so disappointed in myself! I am also aware, that it isn't a huge deal, and it was an accident, which is entirely different than me choosing to not fulfill my commitment...but nonetheless, I am very unhappy about it.  I am only in month two and already I have neglected responsibility...

I also realize that no one will really care, so in order to not feel guilty-I have to forgive myself. I am the only person who is monitoring myself each day, keeping tabs, holding myself accountable. In the end, there is a lesson in that I suppose. If I can't forgive myself for this, how can I expect to forgive myself for the larger mistakes I will inevitably make in life? Or is it the fact that it isn't a big deal that I am more punitive with myself than I may be in other, more meaningful, situations.

As Berley would say, "Get over it."