One dream involved my work people again. My boss was showing us all her pedicure. She had to peel something, like a film, off her toe nails in order to show us the color. When she peeled it back, there were imprints in the polish that indicated which toe it was, like R4. As she was revealing her toes, and they all had this imprint, we realized that whoever had done her nails had done something incorrectly that left these images on her toes. I started giggling. I thought it was so funny to have labels on your toes! I know there was more than that, but that is all I remember, because I woke up laughing.
Then I was a kid, or maybe a teenager, and I was looking for my mom. I was skateboarding around a city and I knew my mom (who I was not envisioning as my mother at all) was also skateboarding. It felt as though I was looking for a runaway, as though I knew my mom had run off to go skate to clear her head or relax, but I needed to find her and know where she was. There was someone who was helping me look for her and we were walking around a part of town that was mostly warehouses and parking lots. We heard the sound of a skateboard and we figured out she was on the roof of one of the buildings. Then I was by myself and it wasn't my mom, it was Jesse. (Paging Dr. Freud) We were walking down from the roof, but by going through someone's loft. Jesse was walking around the apartment so comfortably that I knew he had been there before. He even started going through the closet for clothes. I asked him if the clothes were his, and he said no, but was taking them anyway. I started to suspect that he was having an affair with the woman who lived there and that was why he knew his way around. It was either that or he had figured out these people's schedule so well that he made use of their house while they were away. Both scenarios were troubling, though obviously in very different ways. I didn't know how to ask him about this without sounding paranoid. I knew that any way I broached the subject would sound so ridiculous that it would be easy for him to dismiss it as me 'being crazy'.
Another dream had a similar tone, in that I was suspecting Jesse of cheating on me. However, in the second one, my suspicion came from his attempts to be amorous. I wasn't trusting his advances! I think he took me somewhere secluded to 'woo' me and instead of finding it romantic, I immediately assumed this was his 'spot' where he took women for a secret rendezvous. Even though there was no reason to suspect an ulterior motive, I couldn't shake the feeling.
In the spirit of full disclosure, in my waking life I have some deep rooted issues with trust. This has nothing to do with Jesse, and has entirely to do with me. Something I have noticed as I transcribe my dreams is how incredibly telling they are of my neuroses, anxieties, and insecurities. I am comfortable sharing the dreams themselves, but I am not ready to start divulging where it all stems from. It is actually a little sad that so much 'issue' consumes my subconscious particularly since I have a lot of other 'issues' I'm attempting to manage in my waking life!
If I had time for a tangent I would talk about the brain, however, then I would never stop. That is for another day.
No comments:
Post a Comment