Day Fourteen

A quick update: I have been keeping up with my resolutions. Sort of. What I have discovered is that are a few that I always remember. I know exactly which day I am supposed to do what, and generally, I do it.  I need some reminders for the others. I have a calendar next to my bed to help jog my memory, but it doesn't always do the trick. I am beginning to realize, however, that the resolutions I am consistent with are probably the ones that matter most to me. I make sure to clean out my car on the 2nd. I put money into savings on the 22nd, I wear high heels on the 14th and remain gluten free on the 16th.  In this way I have inadvertently discovered my own priorities out of the endless of list of things I want to improve upon. Hmmm. Good to know.

Another byproduct of this resolution-ing has been that some of my resolutions have developed into 'habits' or lifestyle changes' themselves.  I have been a vegetarian for over a month, which means I eat my five colors of fruits and vegetables on a more regular basis. This has lead-or forced-me to make more meals for myself, both dinners and lunches. Most importantly though, I take extended breaks from my scale.

As for this month, going back to work made small talk much easier.  It felt more natural to strike up a conversation with someone I at least have some familiarity with, but don't necessarily make an effort to ever speak to. This seems like a good place to start.  I still, for some reason, have small panic attacks at Trader Joe's.  I'm not really sure what this is about and sincerely hope this changes by the end of the month.

I seem to be more comfortable at the gym. I made a joke to guy next to me in yoga the other day, which he returned with his own joke. Then today I was walking out at the same time as another woman.  As we pushed open the doors to the outside she commented on how chilly it was. I agreed. She then continued the conversation...and I effectively carried it! We chatted about the weather (incidentally, this was one of the tips from my 'How to Engage in Small Talk' readings) until we reached the parking lot, at which point we parted ways, saying "Have a nice day!"  How lovely! I was so impressed with myself. I was also struck, in both instances, how unlike me it felt.  I have never had an out of body experience, but these two interactions sort of felt like what I imagine an out of body experience to be.  I felt like I  was watching and hearing myself, but not necessarily in control.  Totally weird.  By that, I mean it is weird that something as simple as having a polite conversation with a stranger would take me to such a level of...fear, I guess? But I don't joke with strangers. Who the hell was that cracking jokes in the pre-yoga stillness of the classroom? That sounds like something my mother would do.

Uh oh.