So, I'm a day late. Yesterday was very busy, in a great way, but left me little time to sit with my computer. I felt very guilty about this, however, I came to the conclusion that it was better to allow myself time to think, muse, write, and edit rather than rushing at 11:00 last night.
This month is related to a personal growth goal. I don't really know if 'goal' is the right word, but something I want to improve. Small talk. I am ridiculously shy. I say ridiculously because I often have the desire to strike up a conversation with a random person, for whatever reason, but cannot muster the courage to do so. It is as if I know what I want to talk about (hence the desire to talk to him/her) but I don't know how to broach the subject. Instead, I stare (which probably makes me seem incredibly bizarre) while my mind is racing for a way to cleverly begin the conversation.
Other times people will start a conversation with me, but I have absolutely no idea how to carry it. In fact,just yesterday-as I was thinking about this twenty-and-nine-days idea, Jesse and I were ordering food at the wonderfully delicious Four Cafe. The guy at the counter initiated an excellent small talk strategy (yes, I've been researching methods) by asking us "How is your weekend so far?" My immediate response, even with the intention of making small talk, was "Fine, thanks." Jesse on the other hand dove right in. "Oh good. You know, I work on Saturdays so I was busy yesterday, but today is my day off, so I think we are going to...." I felt embarrassed and nervous and anxious. Part of me was thinking, "He doesn't really care! Stop talking! He was just being polite!" and another part of me was wondering "Why the hell I can't do that? Just talk."
One of my motives for this project is to improve the vibe I send to out in the world via my body language, facial expressions, and words. I have been told, and am well aware, that I don't appear to be the most inviting of people. I'm not smiley, chatty, or peppy. Some people call it 'mysterious' but really, I think it is more intimidating. My outrageous insecurities and neurosis that revolve around what others are thinking about me, lead me to be introverted and reserved. I manage to put people off by making them think that I think I'm better than them. Oh the irony. If only my inner monologue were heard loud and clear, then that guy who works at Trader Joe's would know that I really wanted to ask him about his tattoos because they looked new, or at least I hadn't noticed them before, which is strange because I knew he had tattoos, and I wonder if people are staring at me because my hair is sticking up from sweat or if I stink because I just came from the gym........instead of looking pissed off and unfriendly. Okay, well maybe not loud and clear, but if only people knew!
Well, I am the only person who can change that. The thing is, I get totally nervous starting small talk. Like today, at Trader Joes, with the guy with the tattoos-I chose his line because I have talked to him before and he is friendly and easy to talk to. Still, I had no clue what to say. I didn't know where to begin! This is why I came home and began researching strategies for small talk, because even with the best intention, it is still very hard! My initial research has been amusing, with tips such as:
Stand comfortably on both feet. Do not fidget. Look them in the eye when they speak or respond, though do not stare for more than a few seconds at a time, also remember to nod and shift your weight don't stand there like stone or that will kinda creep them out.
and
Avoid Stimulants: If you know you are going to be having a conversation with someone and you are nervous, drinking pints of coffee will make you edgy and erratic
Here is to making new friends, acquaintances, and contacts and establishing myself positively in my communities.
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