Day Twenty-four

I had a successful small talk with someone at Trader Joe's.  I have come to realize that one of my reservations about chatting someone up is that it will be interpreted as flirting. Even as I say that, I'm not really sure why I would even care. If I'm not, why does it matter if some random dude at the grocery store, or in line at Target, thinks I'm trying a line on him?  I'm sure that part of this stems from the fact that I often assume if someone strikes up a conversation with me, that that is the intention.  I think this is because I usually feel so uncomfortable by these simple interactions that I misconstrue it as awkward flirtation. This may be an indicator of some deeper rooted issues, such as intimacy and attachment.  I don't really know how to interact in these situations, and I don't really know how to flirt anymore either.

Something else I've been trying: saying 'Hello' to people I pass on my runs. I used to ignore fellow runners, again, I think because I was concerned that a friendly, fleeting smile would be misinterpreted as as an invitation for unwanted advances. What the hell is wrong with me? Well, I have been running with a friend these last couple of months who is very good about greetings...and she greets everyone: walkers, cyclists, even groups of cyclists. She is very friendly in that way.  I interpret this as an opportunity to acknowledge a bond with people of the same passion. To connect to a community of people who find peace of mind through pushing our bodies to the limit. I don't really know if this is why she does it, she may just be a nicer person than me, but that is what I am doing it.  I enjoy that nod, the silent understanding that we are both on a journey to personal best.  Therefore, it is particularly annoying then when people don't respond. I notice this with boys the most.  Not men, but younger guys, maybe 25 and under. I'm not sure what this is about.  Is it a feeling of competitiveness? Or maybe they have weird intimacy issues too.

Anyway, it has been sort of a funny experience to be on the other side of the awkwardness.